For over a decade, my husband and I have opened our home to foster children—17 young souls aged 3 to 17, each carrying their own stories etched in trauma. Despite the differences in their backgrounds and personalities, one thread unites them all: the deep impact of trauma, often invisible yet profoundly shaping their emotional worlds.
Trauma in children can manifest in many ways—emotional turbulence, behavioral struggles, mistrust, and difficulty forming attachments. More than anything, these children need safety, stability, and grounding. But beyond meeting their basic needs, a vital part of their healing journey is learning to self-regulate emotions. This begins with what I call holding space—a practice of co-regulation, where patience, mindfulness, and empathy create a container for their healing.
This is not easy work. Some days, it feels like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, especially when confronted by a child drowning in fear or uncertainty. However, my mindfulness practice and heightened energy awareness have been invaluable tools, helping me navigate these challenges without losing my own center.
Mindfulness Meets Intuition in Parenting
Mindfulness, simply put, is the art of being fully present—observing thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgment. For children with trauma, who often can’t explain what they’re feeling or why, mindfulness combined with intuitive energy awareness offers a powerful way to connect and understand beyond words.
Children affected by trauma may swing wildly between emotional extremes or act out with aggression, withdrawal, or defiance. Initially, I often found myself overwhelmed, caught in frustration or anxiety. But over time, cultivating a mindful, calm response became my compass. This calmness—anchored in regular meditation and self-care—allows me to stay grounded instead of reacting impulsively.
A Moment That Changed Everything
One evening, an eight-year-old boy who had come from a neglectful, violent home was having a meltdown. After throwing a toy in anger, instead of the usual “Stop that!” I paused. I tuned into my own energy—mentally, physically, emotionally—and took a deep breath to ground myself. Then, I sat down beside him, no longer towering over him, and gently said, “I see you’re really upset. Can we try something together that might help you feel better?”
Though wary, he agreed. That moment sparked a shift. I introduced him to a simple breathing exercise known as the Balloon Breath—a playful, mindful way to release anger and tension.
The Balloon Breath: Breathing Out Anger, Breathing In Calm
This exercise is straightforward and fun, making it especially effective for children coping with big emotions. We imagine—or sometimes blow up—a balloon, filling it with all the anger, frustration, or upset feelings as we breathe out. When the balloon is “full,” we release it, often accompanied by silly “raspberry” sounds that bring laughter and lighten the mood.
Focusing on the out-breath sends a signal to the nervous system to relax. It helps children acknowledge difficult feelings without suppressing them, preventing later emotional explosions. The laughter that often follows releases endorphins, natural mood lifters that soothe the body and mind.
Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Adapting with Compassion
While mindfulness is a powerful tool, it must be offered with trauma sensitivity. For many children, closing their eyes or lying down during exercises can feel too vulnerable, triggering memories of past trauma. Therefore, flexibility is key: allowing children to sit or stand, keep their eyes open, or choose a “safe spot” in the room helps reduce discomfort.
Each child is unique—what comforts one may overwhelm another. Some may thrive in stillness, others in movement or sensory-focused mindfulness. The goal is to create a space where mindfulness feels accessible and safe, not forced or intimidating.
The Power of Choice and Agency
A crucial part of healing is empowerment. Offering children choices within mindfulness—like picking their balloon’s color or deciding how long to breathe—gives them agency. This counters the helplessness trauma often instills and invites them to reclaim control over their emotional world.
Caregivers Need Mindfulness, Too
Mindfulness isn’t just for the children; it’s essential for caregivers. Parenting traumatized kids can be exhausting, emotionally taxing, and isolating. Compassion fatigue—the emotional drain from caregiving—is real and often causes good foster parents to step back.
I remember a particularly tough week filled with behavioral challenges, sleepless nights, and the added strain of menopause. I had to remind myself: to give love and care, I must first care for me. Taking five quiet minutes outdoors, breathing deeply, and connecting with nature’s energy helped me ground my own nervous system and replenish my emotional reserves.
Practicing mindfulness lets caregivers stay present and patient, avoiding reactive frustration. It signals when to pause, recharge, and seek support—essential for sustainable caregiving.
Healing Happens in the Present Moment
Fostering children who have experienced trauma is among life’s greatest challenges—and rewards. It demands patience, empathy, and powerful tools to navigate the complex emotional landscape.
Mindfulness and meditation create a calm space—not to rush healing, but to honor where each child is right now. These practices teach children to regulate emotions, regain a sense of safety, and discover their inner calm.
If you are parenting or fostering a child with trauma, remember: small, mindful moments matter. Whether through simple breathing exercises, silent presence, or heartfelt holding of emotions, these acts ripple into profound healing.
And as caregivers, protecting our own well-being with mindfulness ensures we can continue offering love, patience, and grounding to those who need it most.
Lorraine Murray is a foster mom, author, and founder of Connected Kids, a global online community promoting meditation and mindfulness for children and teens. Her book, Calm Kids, is available in five languages.